Do you ever get that feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by friends? I mean, I know that I've got family and friends, both online and in the real world, that are rooting and supporting me while I tackle things at college, but sometimes I start feeling really isolated. Such as now.

It's finals week right for me now, so I've been doing my usual cramming. Needless to say, I've been in my dorm since Saturday either making flash cards and writing notes, or lazing about. But it wasn't until last night that I kind of had a nervous breakdown while studying for my Chem. final. It was scary. I tried to start studying the material after my music jury yesterday, but every time I sat down to study it, I couldn't concentrate. Not even when I went to study some of the material with a friend (who couldn't concentrate either). It was like my brain couldn't take any more information, or that some inner part of me just flat-out didn't want to study Chemistry. I finally broke down after sitting at my desk for a with a blank look and plopped down on my bed to rest a bit. At first I was inwardly chastizing myself for not studying the material earlier on and for waiting until the last minute to study it, but then my thoughts started to drift . It was then that I realized that I was starting to feel lonely...almost like I was completely isolated from everyone. And it wasn't something that an online chat with a close friend could fix...I guess you could say that I needed actual physical comfort. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.

Eventually I slumped back to my desk and started making a couple of cheat sheets for the test, but I finally crashed at 1 AM and sure enough, those same thoughts about loneliness came back. I was probably up for a full hour that night feeling something beyond just sad...probably a little anguished...and was at the mercy of my thoughts which were just flying around in circles. I eventually fell asleep, only to wake up at 6 AM for more cramming (because my Chem. test was at 8 AM x_x). I believe today was the shittiest I ever looked x3; Seriously...I had such a bad case of sleepy/racoon eyes that if you cut my hair, styled it, and put me in jeans and a white T-shirt, I could pass myself off as a some-what tanned Ryuzaki from Deathnote.

So...yeah. For the most part I've been feeling really down as of late and I know it's probably because I'm eager to go home for the summer before I start summer classes here in May (*is praying to get into Biology, otherwise it's Psychology Statistics for her Psych Minor* x3). But I can't help but think that the feeling I felt was more than just a need to see family and friends again...Hmm...perhaps during study breaks I'll meditate on the issue for a while.

....So, yeah, now that we've had our daily dose of emo, please know that I'm not uberly depressed (as in clinically "I-need-Prozac" depressed). Just an update of how things have been since I've been silent since February. I've still got two tests to study my butt off for and I've gotta get all my stuff put away and cleaned up so I can move out of the dorms on Friday (and away from my crappy and rude roommate...yay! >D). Hopefully by tomorrow or at least the end of the weak I'll feel better and will be back with more random art and fanfiction.

Ja ne.

~Molly

(I think it's time I paid a visit to the on-campus Ben & Jerry's for some comfort food...ladies, you know what I'm talking about xD)
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(Also, kudos to those that actually read my very long and rambling journal entries ^^ I write them mostly for my sake, but it's good to know that people actually care to read them)